Wounded but not falling,
Time insists on crawling,
Across the shattered wasteland of my mind,
I find I’m reaching for my phone,
And, prone, I activate the screen,
And seen in that electric glow,
A blow to any hopes of rest,
At best snatched moments of repose.
Sleep constantly escapes me,
And sanity I chase thee,
Around this wicked place,
A race I’m running on my own,
I’ve blown my covers and
I’m thrown out of my bed,
And so Instead I rise and seek escape,
And traipse into another darkened room.
The T.V can’t distract from,
The fact there’s nothing on,
This place is such a mess,
And yes I really I have tried reading,
But conceding to a bored defeat,
Retreat in weary shame,
To tame the bed I once rejected,
When ejected from those sheets.
These covers are confining,
Restrictive and entwining,
And, whining, tossing to and fro,
I throw the fuckers clear,
Oh dear my naked body shakes,
It takes so short a time to feel,
This real and biting cold,
All told I wish I wasn’t here.
My bed a sullen stranger,
My kingdom for a manger,
To rest my tired bones,
Alone or with another soul,
The toll this night is bound to take,
Will make the morning feel a foe,
Though slow the seconds drag me on,
Anon unto that despised dawn.
Only one thing can placate me,
Oh sandman come and take me,
Lately you’ve ignored my pleas,
You tease with glimpses of respite,
Tonight but fuck it’s not enough,
This rough treatment won’t abate,
As fate steals me from my dreams,
It seems I’ll never sleep again.
Insomnia is one of the most frustrating things you can endure. Too awake to sleep but not awake enough to do anything useful or distracting. I started this poem off during one sleepless night and, as you’d expect, it was exactly the kind of unintelligible nonsense you can only write at 3a.m. But the idea of somehow making that unintelligibility (is that even a word?) a part of the poem appealed to me so in subsequent drafts I kept the stream of consciousness aspect firmly in place. I wanted the whole piece to feel like it should be reeled off in one long manic outpouring of words, preferably delivered by a shambling, wild eyed, confused, sleep deprived zombie – which is pretty much how I felt when I first started writing it.